You WISH You Were Irish

In honor of St. Patrick’s Day (two days late, oh well), I decided to explore a bit of my ancestry—all 37.5% of it.

Some of the finest people in American History have been of Irish decent. That’s right from our founding fathers to Rock artists; Irish ancestry is probably the best thing to happen to America since that crazy Mick Andrew Jackson slaughtered an entire population of helpless natives so that he could expand his empire of BIG GOVERNMENT. With such wonderful presidents such as John F. Kennedy, Jimmy Carter, William Clinton and yes, our new president Barack Obama having the same whiskey flavored blood running through their veins, we can be sure that America rests in good hands. (I hope you can sense my sarcasm)

Charles Carroll represented the Catholic population of the 13 colonies at the signing of the Declaration of Independence, for he was the only Catholic to sign. While Irishwoman Molly Pitcher was fighting in the Revolution, the United States Navy helped with victory for the Continental Navy under the command of John Barry, who later was titled the Father of the United States Navy. Many others served for their country and paid the price of their life. Without Ulysses S. Grant leading the Union forces during the Civil War, the country may have fallen into the hands of a wonderful Irishman named Jefferson Davis, who would have continued slavery.

As for your artistic side, Walt Disney and all of his genius was more than half Irish. C.S. Lewis would challenge you to explore a world you do not know by going into a closet. A trip down memory lane would perhaps have you listening to Kurt Kobane, a wonderful Irishman who was made fun of for being from the great Emerald Isle. (you see, words can be hurtful) The words of F. Scott Fitzgerald would snap you out of your trip to the past when this Irishman tells you that “Everybody’s youth is a dream, a form of chemical madness.” You don’t want to drive yourself mad do you? Perhaps you do.

If you desire a life of madness perhaps you could find yourself amongst Billy the Kid, Lester Joseph Gillis (Baby Face Nelson), Kevin Kelly, or other Irish mobsters and criminals who had some sinful fun with those of Italian decent. But don’t think too much about the distant past.

And what about in recent history? Some of the best, most unbiased news comes from the mouths of good Irish-Catholics such as Sean Hannity, Peggy Noonan, and Bill O’Reilly. They speak about the wonderful Irish, Republican president Ronald Reagan and his wonderful successes in the White House. They defend the maverick from Russia’s backyard, Sarah Palin—oh bless her Irish heart, you know.

As you sit and ponder about how much of this blessed blood is in your own veins, remember that I, Matthew Higgins, grandson of William, the brother of Liam, have the universal donor blood, type O positive. I will gladly donate more to you if you ever needed it. I feel the need to keep the bloodline strong so that there will be more inventors like those who made the stethoscope and portable defibrillator, a politician like Ronald Reagan, a leader like George Washington, or a Pulitzer prize winning author like Frank McCourt.

The Irish are everywhere and in more places than you think. You better bite your tongue before you make your crude comments about drinking and disgusting slander towards one of the greatest peoples to ever walk this earth. Excuse me, I have to start this St. Patrick’s Day off right with a glass of Guinness, a shot of Jameson, an Irish car-bomb, a pint of McSorley’s, eat bangers and mash, pray the rosary, take another shot of Jameson, and sip the finest Single-Malt Whiskey in the World (Tyrconnell).

Éirinn go brách!